Popping up across the coasts of Florida, like a lionfish infestation, is an automobile decal that proclaims the owners’ proud participation in the: Salt Life.
These decals taunt me. They wag their tongue and heckle me, “Hey lady, what are you doing on your weekend? Grocery Shopping? Cleaning? Taking kids to T-ball practice? Hahaha. This SUV I’m applied to is getting filled up with gas right now so we can go out on the boat all day… in the Keys. That’s right. My owners spend their exorbitant amount of free time fishing on their boat, and drinking margaritas while listening to Jimmy Buffet.”
I suspect that these bumper stickers are usually more of a wish than a reality, but I feel like they feed our problem of being more interested in giving the impression that we have a perfect, amazing life on Social Media, rather than actively participating in our real life.
I want a bumper sticker that says: Mundane Life. Because that is what my life is: dull, boring, ordinary. My weekends are filled, not with salt (on the rocks) and jet skis, but with the school projects and vacuuming. Sometimes, on a rare Saturday night, I might get taken out to a restaurant where kids eat free. YAY!
That’s my life. Not thrilling.
I’ll admit that my exasperation at bullying bumper stickers might be a sign that I am a tired parent. (Drug free) exciting lives don’t usually involve kids. Dragging children around on adventures makes everything long, tedious and exhausting.
Are you living the Mundane Life? Some other parents offer their view.
You know you a parent who is living the Mundane Life when:
Gregg: Folding laundry for 30 minutes is the most relaxing part of your day.
Kevin: You have to schedule sex.
Jennifer: You don’t notice the constant screeching.
Amy: You now call the restroom the potty.
Jen: You are awake at 6 am on weekends.
Chris: When you wake up in the middle of the night and find a person standing by your bed staring at you, you sigh from frustration instead of screaming in fear.
Jaime: You never, ever pee alone. Ever.
Jenny: Having a boob out while shopping doesn’t get you a cameo on, “People of WalMart.”
Gregg: The one time your kid sleeps in, you have to get up anyway to check that they are breathing.
Gregg: You find yourself saying things your parents said, and swore never to repeat. They seem like great ideas now.
Kevin: You only react to certain types of screams.
Ashley: You hang out in the bathroom for a couple extra minutes just to get some alone time. (Of course, only if you were lucky enough to be in there alone.)
Ricky: You have to tell another human to not put their hands in their mouth after they just put their hands in their poop.
Gregg: You argue over who GETS to go grocery shopping.
Mark: You talk about poop. A lot.
Cash: When you hear another child cry, your first unconscious reaction is not concern, but rather elation because it is not your kid.
Gregg: The song you are humming at work is Barney’s theme song.
Alison: Travel takes 33% longer because of all the stops to feed the kids and use the “potty”.
What are the signs that you are living the Mundane Life?