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My Letter of Complaint to the Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny’s hideous job this year has driven this mother to mail in a list of grievances.

easterHoliday Character Complaint Department
Easter Island and N. Pole Corp.
Bentonville, AR 72716

RE: Easter Bunny Performance

Dear HCCD,

I’m writing this letter because of the unsatisfactory experience I recently had with your employee, the Easter Bunny. When I awoke on Easter morning I initially didn’t notice that anything was wrong. My children’s Easter baskets were nestled outside their bedroom doors, filled with treats, as expected. In that regard the Bunny’s work was timely and discreet.

It was only when my children started opening their candy-filled eggs that I discovered three problems, specifically with the choice of candy, a discrepancy in quantity and lastly a more delicate issue that I will go into later.

Before I explain what went wrong with the candy, I feel like I should note that I do appreciate the hard work that the Bunny does. And it may sound ungrateful to complain about her choices, but she brought my kids spiced jelly beans. Now, I’m not sure if she knows this, but kids will eat almost anything with sugar in it … except spiced jelly beans.

If it had only been the yucky beans, I may have been able to overlook her performance, but she also gave my kids two very different amounts of candy. She filled one child’s basket with three bean-filled eggs and the other with only one. (Luckily, she slighted my 3-year-old, and he isn’t exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. In fact, he counted his one egg and said, “One, three, four. Hey Mama, I know my letters.”)  Also, because the jelly beans were so atrocious, my oldest son was more than willing to share.

My third concern, as I mentioned before, is of a more delicate matter. After the children dug into their baskets, I looked over and in my kitchen I noticed a half drunk … well, more like 3/4 drunk … Fine. I don’t know why I’m covering for her — an empty bottle of cheap Carrot Wine on the counter. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, and maybe the Bunny shared it with friends, but was her poor choice in candy and her inability to count caused by inebriation? It was highly upsetting to think that the Bunny may have been drinking and delivering.

In conclusion, I am willing to overlook this if it was an isolated incident, and I sincerely hope that next year the Bunny will have her act together. On the other hand, if many other families had similar experiences then I suggest that you consider looking further into this matter.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Chris Sansbury, mother of M and O.

P.S.  Is the Easter Bunny also supposed to hide eggs for the kids? If so, do I leave her a note asking her to? My children thought that she should have hidden some, and I was at a loss for words on how to answer.

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